How to flirt

Let's be honest....there are some who can flirt and some who can't.  What is the difference?  Can you "learn" how to flirt or is it something you have to be born with?

YOU can learn how to flirt....if you are willing to do a few things.

1. You have to be open
2. You have to listen
3. You have to mean everything you say

Simple right?  Maybe, but these are what you have to be willing to do before you learn how to flirt.

The first thing you need to know is that flirting should be natural and subtle.  If you don't mean what you are saying you will never be able to flirt.  What you are saying cannot be "natural" if you don't believe it.  It can't be subtle if you are talking loudly......you don't want to be remembered as the person who yelled at them.

Start with a smile.  Whether you do this in the car on the way to the bar or party, in the bathroom or in a group.....SMILE.  The best way to feel good about yourself is to smile and no one wants to be flirted with by someone who doesn't feel good about themselves.  Smiling also sends a message that you are friendly, comfortable and approachable.

The touch, again subtle, is essential to flirting.....but be careful you can overdo it.  A hand on the shoulder, an easy placing of your hand on their arm, the brush of your hand on their back. 

(I love the line in the movie Hitch when Will Smith tells Kevin James: "Lean in, place your hand on the small of her back, say it in her ear like a secret. But watch your hand placement, too high says, 'I just wanna be friends,' too low says, 'I just wanna grab some ass."

Talk softly so they have to lean in towards you to hear you.  Anyone who approaches you...is interested.

Make eye contact with them and SMILE with your eyes. 
There is nothing more attractive than smiling eyes. 

The mouth can fake a smile...the eyes cannot.

LISTEN to what they are saying....and more importantly HEAR what they are saying so you can mention it, again, in a later time.  For example if you are sharing stories and they mention they had client show up late to an appointment file that away for later use.  When you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom say something like...I'll be right back, and unlike your client, I would never be late when meeting you.  These kind of comments cannot be forced or "thought about" too much...they have to be natural.

Another line from Hitch that I love is:

"Like I always tell my clients - begin each day as if it were on purpose."

Flirt with a natural purpose.  Be honest with your flirting...there is nothing worse than finding out who you were the first night you met is not who you are in real life. 

Things to avoid that make you an "obvious flirt" that no one wants to be around:

1. Flipping of the hair.  (Sublte twisting is okay but the head whip is not attractive)
2. Vulgar comments.  Even if they people around you are being vulgar, DON'T! 
3. Offend your friends or theirs by ignoring everyone else.
4. If you are going to buy them a drink....pull out the money and buy their friends too.  Don't be cheap and only buy the person you are flirting with a drink.  If you can't afford to buy the friends a drink, don't offer.

If you are not a natural, practice.  Flirting is a great way to get to know someone if it's honest.  Good luck.  Comment on what your favorite way to flirt is.

If you need to practice and live in Pueblo County, Colorado go to Jimmy's Tavern and practice there.

Understanding body language

Ever meet someone and wonder what they "think" of you?  Ever see someone from across the room and wonder if they were "approachable?"  This may help.

We all know what words mean...or at least we hope people understand what we mean when we talk.  What do the non-verbal gestures mean?

There are several types of non-verbal signals

Gestures:  These are a bit more obvious than other types of non-verbal communication.  Gestures consist of; thumbs up, thumbs down, strong fist (which could mean anger or solidarity), the "okay" hand sign and the "V" hand sign (which could mean victory or peace).

The "less obvious" are the movement or position of our body.  Pay attention because if you are speaking to someone these are important.

We'll begin with the "obvious" one:  Arms crossed in front usually means the person is not comfortable, does not trust you, closed off, defensive......no matter what they are feeling it is not a good sign for you.

Crossing of the legs:  This one is interesting and usually geared more towards women than men.  If their legs are crossed and opened to you it means they are interested in you, what you are saying or comfortable with you.  If they are crossed away from you it is not good for you...they either are uncomfortable with you or they want to be left alone.

Standing with their hands on their hips:  This person is showing they are in control.  It could also mean a sign of aggressiveness depending on the situation....so men, pay attention, if your spouse does this....you are possibly in trouble.

Tapping fingers or objects:  This person is bored, anxious or frustrated which means if you are the one having the conversation with them you may need to change the subject.

How a person holds themselves will tell a lot about them.  An open posture means friendliness or open to communication while a closed posture (shoulders slumped) could mean unfriendly, anxiety or hostility.

The eyes:  Often referred to the "windows to one's soul."  If a person is looking you in the eye it means they are interested in what you are saying....I know duh....BUT prolonged eye contact can be threatening so be careful.

If a person is often looking elsewhere while you are talking you need to step up your conversation.  They are either not interested in what you are saying or looking for an escape.

The faster a person blinks is usually a sign of being uncomfortable or distress. 

This information was compiled from Psychology/New York Times Company/About.com

When you are talking to someone and they look up and to the right they are using their creative side of their brain....which means they could be trying to come up with a clever answer or, more commonly known as, lying. 

To find out what side of your brain controls you go to this link and take the quiz.

Next time you are out, at Jimmy's Tavern if you are from Pueblo County, Colorado, try these out and see if you understand the person better when they aren't talking.  Comment on your discoveries.